Closing The Feedback Gap: Building Trust For Honest Conversations

In high-performing teams, honesty doesn’t come just from feeling safe. It stems from trust and respect; trust means believing that others have good intentions, and respect means caring enough to deliver truth thoughtfully. Together, they form a foundation where candor can live.

By Michel Koopman

For Forbes

Many leaders believe they’re open to feedback. They say things like, “My door is always open,” or “I want people to speak up.” Yet when you step into their organizations, you find quiet rooms, filtered truths and teams that avoid tough conversations. Somewhere between intent and action, a feedback gap appears and quietly erodes performance.

In my experience as a leadership coach at CxO Coaching, I’ve seen this pattern in companies of every size. Leaders think they’re creating openness, but hierarchy, fear and ego distort what people actually say. The result is a version of reality that’s comfortable for the person at the top but incomplete for everyone else.

Why Psychological Safety Isn’t The Whole Story

Over the past few years, the concept of “psychological safety” has become a buzzword in leadership circles. The idea that people should feel safe speaking up without fear of punishment is essential, but we’ve overused the phrase to the point that it’s lost some of its meaning. Safety is a starting point, not the destination.

In high-performing teams, honesty doesn’t come just from feeling safe. It stems from trust and respect; trust means believing that others have good intentions, and respect means caring enough to deliver truth thoughtfully. Together, they form a foundation where candor can live.

When leaders rely solely on the language of “safety,” they risk creating cultures that encourage speaking up but neglect how people do it. Feedback without respect can become blunt or careless, while respect without honesty turns into avoidance. Strong teams need both the courage to be direct and the discipline to do it well.

The Fear Filter

Most feedback never make it to a leader’s desk because people don’t want to take the risk. Even seasoned professionals worry about appearing disloyal, negative or confrontational. That hesitation is both human and a signal that the environment isn’t as open as it appears.

Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team begins with the absence of trust. When people don’t trust that their voice will be valued, they protect themselves instead of contributing honestly. Once that happens, key interactions such as healthy conflict, commitment and accountability are weakened too.

Leaders often respond by holding more meetings or surveys to “collect input,” but the problem isn’t the format so much as the foundation. People don’t share the truth when they don’t believe it will be received with fairness or humility.

How Leaders Can Close The Feedback Gap

The solution required modeling vulnerability rather than implementing new systems or policies. When leaders show they’re open to correction, it signals to everyone else that honesty is not a risk; it’s a norm. Here are practical ways to start:

1. Go first. If you want people to give you feedback, give them a safe path to do it. Ask questions like, “What’s one thing I could do better?” or “What would make it easier for you to challenge my ideas?” to show that you’re serious about improvement. When you go first, others follow.

2. Respond, don’t react. The fastest way to shut down feedback is to defend yourself. When someone shares a tough truth, listen fully before asking clarifying questions. Thank them for trusting you enough to be honest. You don’t have to agree on every point, but your tone will determine whether that person ever speaks up again.

3. Balance candor with care. Encourage honesty, but also teach delivery. Feedback should help someone improve, not put them on the defensive. Model this by being specific and forward-looking: “Here’s what I noticed, and here’s how we can adjust going forward.”

4. Make reflection a habit. Build feedback moments into your rhythm. After major projects, ask what worked and what didn’t—and include yourself in that evaluation. People will watch how you handle the input more than what you say about it.

5. Reward the behavior, not just the outcome. When someone speaks up, acknowledge it publicly. Recognition reinforces the message that candor is valued, not punished.

The Respect Side Of Honesty

I mentioned earlier that respect without honesty turns into avoidance. This tandem relationship is where healthy feedback lives; where disagreement sharpens ideas instead of hardening feelings.

I once worked with an executive who prided himself on being “brutally honest.” His team, however, simply described him as “brutal.” He thought his directness created clarity; they experienced it as criticism. Over time, that gap drained energy from the group. When he learned to pair honesty with empathy by asking permission before offering feedback and using questions instead of judgments, his credibility increased—and so did team performance.

The goal of feedback isn’t to win a point; it’s to strengthen alignment. That shift often requires being smarter, not softer.

Building A Culture Of Openness

Feedback cultures aren’t built overnight. They require consistency; small, repeated actions that make honesty the norm. When leaders listen without ego, teams stop guessing what’s safe to say. Teams that learn to challenge ideas without personal attacks learn to trust each other.

Closing the feedback gap starts with one decision: to value truth over comfort. That choice ripples outward, shaping conversations, decisions and, ultimately, results. Leaders who build trust don’t just get more feedback; they get better feedback—the kind that helps them grow and helps their organizations thrive.

Read the original article on Forbes.